V15/ur/ slurp
• • •
“I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,”
Said Polly in the park.
Ol’ Dobbin, grazin’ nearby,
Overheard her rude remark.
He shook his mane and pawed the ground,
He raised his noble head,
He snorted and looked down at her,
And this is what he said:
“I’ve been ridden, I’ve been driven,
I’ve been raced around a track,
I’ve been photographed with little
Whiny kiddies on my back.
I’ve pulled wagons through the winter,
I’ve pulled sleighs and I’ve pulled sleds.
I’ve pulled plows in sticky summers
With flies buzzin’ ’round my head.
I’ve been whipped and I’ve been beaten,
I’ve been called a such-and-such –
But to think of being eaten,
Well, boy, that is to much!
And when I get insulted,
My appetite runs wild,
And now I fell so hungry that…
I could eat a child.”
{How Hungry Is Polly?}
V01/a/ appetite
V02/i/ kid> kid(d)(ie)(s)
V03/o/ Polly
V04/u/ hungry
V05/ea/ head
V06/a_e/ mane
V07/i/ child
V08/o_e/ horse
V09/u_e/ rude
V10/ea/ beat(en)
V11/aw/ paw(ed)
V12/u/ pull(ed)
V13/ou/ ground
V14/oy/ boy
V15/er/ her
• • •
Nothing to do?
Nothing to do? Pour some ketchup in your shoe.
Go to the TV and give it a kick. Scream or hollar – take your pick.
Bang a drum and clang some bells. Pinch the baby till he yells.
Take a poop; forget to wipe. Find mom’s computer and try to type.
Twirl around until you fall. Draw a picture on the wall.
Turn the laundry inside-out. Sing a song, then loudly shout.
Put some marbles on the stair. Glue some stuff in Sister’s hair.
Dig some dirt, pack it firm, then plop in on a garden worm.
Suck your thumb and slam the doors. Pull out all the dresser drawers.
Bask in the sun. Get nice-n-hot. Find the shade to cool a lot.
Catch the cat and bite his ear. Soak your toes in Uncle’s beer.
Eat some crackers, spill some crumbs, get them up with chewing gum.
Fill your pockets full of soot. Paint the bottom of your foot.
Take your grandpa’s watch and boil it. Throw the car keys down the toilet.
Wet your pants in Daddy’s lap, now go upstairs and take your nap!
{For a Rainy Afternoon, adaptation – p. 175}
V01 – lap, nap
V02 – kick, pick
V03 – hot, lot
V04 – crumbs, gum
V05 – bells, yells
V06 – stair, hair
V07 – wipe, type
V08 – doors, drawers
V09 – do, shoe
V10 – ear, beer
V11 – fall, wall
V12 – soot, foot
V13 – inside-out, shout
V14 – boil it, toilet
V15 – firm, worm
• • •
{Transparent Tim – p. 33}
Use Shell’s illustration, minus the cat, so kids can sketch their own answer.
• • •
The Police Department
Changed their garments
And became the Please Department,
And instead of clubs and cuffs,
Saying Please was quite enough.
- “Please stop breaking down that door.”
- “Please stop robbing that jewelry store.”
- “Please stop smashing that computer.”
- “Please stop stealing that motor scooter.”
- “Please stop shooting off that gun.”
- “Please stop forging checks for fun.”
- “Please stop ripping off those tires.”
- “Please stop setting thing on fire.”
And if they needed more persuasion,
They took ’em down to the Please Station
Where the friendly Chief of Please
Said Please, Please, Please
On bended knees.
And they stopped all crime with ease
By politely saying “Please.”
So the next time that you’re feelin’ blue
‘Cause someone points a gun at you
While they’re robbin’ your apartment,
Just call your friendly Please Department.
{Call the Please – p. 133}
V01/a/ smash(ing)
V02/i/ rip(p)(ing)
V03/o/ rob(b)(ing)
V04/u/ club(s) and cuff(s)
V05/ie/ friend(ly)
V06/a/ station
V07/i_e/ quite
V08/o/ police
V09/ew/ jewelry
V10/ea_e/ please
V11/a/ apartment
V12/oo/ took
V13/ow/ down
V14/oi/ point(s)
V15/er/ persuasion
• • •
I don’t know how anything’s done.
Does the earth turn or is it the sun?
Is electricity made by a kit?
Are star twinkles just the reflection of light?
How thunder is made and how engines run –
I don’t know how anything’s done.
I don’t know where anyplace is.
Is Baltimore next to Cadiz?
Is Maui in North or in South Carolina?
Do you pass Duluth on the highway to China?
I sure hope we have an open-book quiz
‘Cause I don’t know where anyplace is.
I don’t know how anything’s spelled.
Does lovely have three or four L’s?
Don’t you spell ewe with a Y or a U?
It’s time for exams and I’m not feeling well,
‘Cause I don’t know how anything’s spelled.
I don’t know who anyone was.
Was Charlemagne King Arthur’s cuz?
Was Abraham Lincoln the prince of Tibet?
Was Duke of Troy Queen Isabel’s pet?
I sure hope they don’t ask questions, because
I don’t know who anyone was.
{I Don’t Know – p. 176}
V01/a/ ask
V02/i/ twinkle(s)
V03/o/ not
V04/o_e/ done
V05/a/ anything, anyplace, anyone
V06/a/ Abraham
V07/i_e/ kite
V08/ow/ know
V09/u_e/ Duke
C39+V09/ewe/ ewe
V10/e/ because
V11/a/ Arthur’s
V12/oo/ book
V13/ou/ South
V14/oy/ Troy
V15/ear/ earth
• • •
There was a funky donkey and a spunky monkey.
They were sittin’ by the railroad track.
Said the funky donkey to the spunky monkey,
“I’m goin’ off to somewhere and I won’t be back.”
Said the spunky monkey to the funky donkey,
“If you wait for a minute or two,
I’ll go say good-bye to the frivolous fly,
And I’ll come along with you.”
Said the spunky monkey to the funky donkey,
“This road looks long and wide,
So if you’ll just pick me up and carry me awhile,
I’d sure be much obliged.”
Said the funky donkey to the spunky monkey,
“I was gonna ask the same of you.
So we’d better just wait till we get it straight
As to who’s gonna carry who.”
Now the funky donkey, he ain’t goin’ nowhere
‘Less somebody carries him,
And the spunky monkey won’t carry no donkey,
So their future is awfully dim.
And they’re still sittin’ back by that railroad track,
They’ll loiter till the moon turns blue,
But they ain’t gonna ride, ’cause they just can’t decide
As to who’s gonna carry who.
{Stubbornness – p. 44}
V11/awe/ awe > aw(-)ful(ly)
• • •
Spaghetti has so many uses,
It can be used for whips or nooses,
It makes great backstraps for papooses,
Or leashes, when you’re walking gooses.
It makes a perfect slingshot sling,
It makes a great cat’s cradle string,
A jumpin’ rope, a scooter tire,
A bouncy acrobatic wire,
A boxing ring, where you can spar,
Six twangy strings for your guitar.
And though it’s droopy, warm, an wet,
It makes a lovely tennis net.
And as suspenders it’s just fine
For holdin’ pant up (yours, not mine).
A string to fly your red balloon,
A wall hook for your telephoon,
Hair ribbons, neckties, or boot laces,
Reindeer reins for reindeer races,
A wig to fit a silly queen,
A curly beard for Halloween.
And it can make a coiled lasso.
In fact, there’s nothin’ it can’t do.
Oh – and you can eat it too.
{Twenty-eight Uses for Spaghetti}
V01/a/ backstrap(s)
V02/ui/ guitar
V03/o/ box(ing)
V04/u/ suspend(er)(s)
V05/e/ necktie(s)
V06/ei/ rein(s)
V07/i_e/ wire
V08/o_e/ rope
V09/oo_e/ noose > noos(-)(es)
V10/ea/ leash(es)
V11/a/ Halloween
V12/oo/ hook
V13/ou_e/ bounce > bounc(-)(y)
V14/oi/ coil(ed)
V15/ur/ curl(y)
• • •
I was settin’ at this restaurant
When the waiter came up and said, “What do you want?”
I looked at the menu – it looked so nice
Till he said, “Let me give you a little advice.”
He said, “Spaghetti and potatoes got too much starch,
Pork chops and sausage are bad for your heart.
There’s hormones in chicken and beef and veal,
Bowl of ravioli is a dead man’s meal.
Bread’s got preservatives, there’s nitrites in ham,
Artificial coloring in jellies and jam.
Stay away from doughnuts, run away form pie,
Pepperoni pizza is a sure way to die.
Sugar’s gonna rot your teeth and make you put on weight.
Eggs are high cholesterol, too much fat in cheese,
Coffee ruins your kidneys and so to teas.
Fish got too much mercury, red meat is poison,
Hot dogs and bologna got deadly red dyes,
Vegetables and fruits are sprayed with pesticides.”
So I said, “What can I eat that’s gonna make me last?”
He said, “A small drink of water in a sterilized glass.”
And then he stopped and he thought for a minute,
And said, “Never mind the water – there’s carcinogens in it.”
So I got up from the table and walked out in the street,
Realizin’ there was absolutely nothing I could eat.
So I haven’t eaten for a month and I don’t feel too fine,
But I know that I’ll be healthy for a long, long time.
{Food? – p. 166}
V01/a/ fat
V02/i/ kidney(s)
V03/o/ rot
V04/oo/ blood
V05/e/ pesticide(s)
V06/eigh/ weight
V07/i/ nitrite(s)
V08/o/ hormone(s)
V09/u/ ruin(s)
V10/e/ preservative(s)
V11/a/ carcinogen(s)
V12/u/ put
V13/ou/ out
V14/oi/ poison
V15 /er/ mercury
• • •
The elephant played second base,
And the laughing hyena played third.
The two little leeches sat out in the bleachers,
Quite shocked by the language they heard.
The kangaroo leapt and the crocodile wept
Because they would not let him play.
And the ring-tailed rat, he kept swinging the bat
Till the poor bat flew up and away.
The oyster was fit with a fielder’s mitt,
But couldn’t catch a fly at all,
As the octopus pitched and the hen sat and twitched
And tried to hatch the ball.
The porcupine umped and the kangaroo jumped
As the snail was out stealing third
On a throw from the snake just in time to awake
The sleeping Palatapus bird.
The trout, he struck out, but the yak took a whack
And hit one out into the lake.
A homer… it’s gone… No, the pelican yawned
And swallowed the ball my mistake.
{The Ball Game – p. 47}
And that was my huge mistake,
‘Cause if came with a parrot,
A gold coin, a book, and a rake.
And dirty old front porch swing,
That’s the last time I ask
For a hot dog with e • ver • y • thing.
{ Every Thing On It – p. 10}
V01/a/ ask(ed)
Oily pasta’s on your chair.
There’s tapioca in your nose
And broccoli in your hair.
Applesauce is on every wall!
Look, nothing’s on your spoon!
I’m thinking now perhaps you tried to
Feed yourself too soon.
{Too Soon – p. 15}
Those scratchy marks there on the wall, they rise until they get this tall.
They show how short I used to be, and Mama keeps reminding me
The way my dad would really dread to place a ruler on my head
as I stood there. He first hesitates, then marks a spot to void past dates.
She says it’s OUR proud history. She laughs and smiles with glee to see
Those scratchy marks upon the wall. (I don’t yet understand at all!)
{Wall Marks – p. 27}
Note from Jz: Shel Silverstein’s original poem has the child watching the mother cry, realizing inevitable physical growth/maturity, and with both parents apparently suffering from the recognition that they are being outgrown. My version flips those dynamics. Our children are not really “ours” and never were. Although the mother’s beloved child may indeed WANT the parent(s) to exist exclusively to be “wind beneath wings” (read Shel’s THE GIVING TREE), although the child may indeed WANT continuing offerings of unconditional support for every real or imagined need (as appropriately provided to a helpless infant or toddler), my poem has the mother willingly, purposefully cutting the umbilicus. My poem portrays a joyfully smiling mother, thinking about the promise of continuing emancipation and emotional maturity. Why not?! Why would any person in any way be willing to eviscerate another soul’s god-given initiative for independence?
V04/u/ understand
V05/e/ yet
V08/o/ short, don’t (do not)
I used to be Santa’s helper,
Just ’cause I broke the music box
By hooking the spring too tight,
Just ’cause I tried all the fancy cupcakes
And licked all the candy canes,
Just ’cause I dropped those porcelain dolls
Down from the Tinker Toy crane,
Just ’cause I drove the ‘lectric train
So fast it jumped the rails,
And wiped that purple finger paint
All over the sailboat sails,
And just ’cause I squeezed
Till he gave a little stuffed yelp,
Santa had the nerve to say
I wasn’t too much help.
{Santa’s Helper – p. 29}
• • •
Although I cannot tell your face
If you enjoy tehse poems awhile,
Somewhere from some far-off place
I see you looking – and I smile
{Years From Now, adaptation – p. 9}
V01/a/ cannot
V02/i/ if
V03/o/ off
V04/o/ from
V05/e/ tell
V06/a_e/ face
V07/i_e/ smile
V08/o/ poem(s)
V09/ou/ you
V10/ea/ year(s)
V11/a/ although
V12/oo/ look(ing)
V13/ow/ now
V14/oy/ enjoy
V15/our/ your
• • •
Animals: “Happy Zoo Year!”
Panda: “Happy Bamboo Year!”
Candymaker: “Happy Jujube Year!”
Fashionista: “Happy Foo Foo Year!”
Dancer: “Happy Ballyhoo Year!”
Traveler: “Happy Adieu Year!”
Sick kid: “Happy Ah-choo Year!”
Kittens: “Happy Mew Year!”
Critters: “Happy Loo-Loo Year!”
Philosopher: “Happy Worldview Year!”
Mystic: “Happy Woo Woo Year!”
Dog: “Happy Poo-Poo Year!”
Doctor: “Happy Flu Year!”
Clockman: “Happy Cuckoo Year!”
Gossip: “Happy Who’s Who Year!”
Scholar: “Happy Peer Review Year!”
Skunk: “Happy Pee-Yoo Year!”
Hungry: “Happy Chew-Chew Year!”
Lovers: “Happy Deja Vu Year!”
Terrorist: “Happy Voo Voo Year!”
Chef: “Happy Cordon Bleu Year!”
Legislators: “Happy Judicial Review Year!”
Therapist: “Happy Break-through Year!”
Baby: “Happy Goo-Goo Year!”
Trainman: “Happy Choo-Choo Year!”
Painter: “Happy Blue Year!”
Makeup artist: “Happy Redo Year!”
Barefoot man: “Happy Shoe Year!”
Child: “Happy Scissors-n-Glue Year!”
Librarian: “Happy Overdue Year!”
Scientists: “Happy Tried-and-True Year!”
Sightseer: “Happy View Year!”
Coach: “Happy Follow-through Year!”
Musician: “Happy Kazoo Year!”
Beautician: “Happy Shampoo Year!”
Brewmaster: “Happy Brew Year!”
Pool players: “Happy Cue Year!”
Seeker: “Happy Pursue Year!”
Detective: “Happy Clue Year!”
Teacher: “Happy How-To Year!”
“Happy Who-Knew Year!”
Priest: “Happy Taboo Year!”
Artist: “Happy Draw/Drew Year!”
Party-goers: “Happy Hullabaloo Year!”
Carpenter: “Happy Nails-n-Screws Year!”
Aussie: “Happy Kangaroo Year!
Owl: “Happy Too-whoo Year!”
Cowboy: “Happy Yahoo Year!”
Cow: “Happy Moo Year!”
{Happy New, adaptation – p. 49}
All poems from EVERY THING ON IT – ISBN 978-0-06-199816-4
